New Law

Yesterday I went to buy some new running shoes. I was juggling Daphne (who weighs over 14 lbs plus her 5 lb carrier), my purse, and a box of shoes when I went to the checkout counter. There was only one person in front of me and she was already checking out, so I felt grateful that I would have a short wait. WRONG!

Here are the wretched things I had to listen to the clerk and this lady talk about while I was standing there waiting for the longest 10 minutes of my life:

1. The lady had three identical wallets but each in a different color. She asked the clerk's opinion on which one would be best for her to buy. (Who freaking cares? They are all THE SAME WALLET.) This entailed her describing all of her purses to the clerk and talking about which purses she used most often.

2. They discussed how good the current sale was, including giving examples of the full prices for certain items and then calculating aloud how much cheaper the sale prices were. (The sale was 25% off summer shoes, so every time you calculate the difference between the sale and regular prices, it will still equal 25%!)

3. The clerk asked the lady if she was a member of the discount club for that store. The lady wasn't sure so the clerk tried to look her up in the computer. They lady gave her THREE different last names to try looking up. (THREE!!)

4. This led to a long winded explanation of how one was her maiden name, one was her ex-husband's last name and the other two were variations of her new hyphenated married name.

5. The clerk gave her opinion on why it was better not to take your husband's name when you get married. This lengthy dissertation included terms such as "self identity" and "traditional gender roles". Of course the lady agreed and gave several examples about the hassles she had encountered because of her name changes.

6. Apparently the lady was not a member of the discount club, so she decided to sign up. I had to sit and listen to the clerk ask her a list of questions about her contact info and shopping preferences, then wait while she typed it all into the computer.

7. They talked about how hot it was outside, how hot it had been all summer, how hot it would be in the fall, how it might even be hot at Christmas, etc. (We live in central Texas. It is as hot as the fiery pits of hell. Get over it or move!)

My brain was about to melt from listening to their stupid yammering, my arms were quivering under the weight of the items I was holding, and Daphne was getting fussy. I considered just putting the shoes back and leaving. I really needed the shoes though, so I was determined to persevere and win this battle of good vs. evil.

In the end I preserved and bought the shoes, but at what cost? Listening to them talk for so long wasted my time, put me in a terrible mood and may even have permanently killed some of my brain cells because their senseless yapping was so exceedingly annoying.

In order to prevent situations like this in the future, I think we need a new law limiting the amount of words a store clerk is allowed to say to any one customer. The law should also limit the number of questions and comments a customer can make during a standard transaction. I considered enforcing the law with fines for people who exceed the limit of words, but ultimately decided that jail time would be even better. I think I am going to call my former boss at the capitol and see if he will carry the bill this session.